Betrayed and emotionally abused
27 March, 2003
I am not sure why I am writing here, maybe to lift some of the pain I am feeling. I was with a man for 3 years, who I loved dearly. We moved in together about a year ago, and within 3 days, he was off to "see friends" but I found he was out of the country with another woman. He pleaded nothing happened, and I wanted to believe him, I mean I had nowhere to go, and I wanted this to work. Women "friends" would come into his life, and I would find out time after time, that they didn't even know about me, more than a roommate, and it would be so hard on me emotionally. Here is the man I love, and he tells no one we are together. He would go through cold spells, telling me to go sleep with other men, because he is not in the mood, and he would be fine with me dating other people. After a couple weeks of this kind of treatment, he would snap out of it, and become a loving guy all over again. Close to the end of our relationship, I would find out he was putting me down to all
of his friends, and making up lies about me, making me into such a horrible person, that I was ashamed to be around when these friends would come over. After recently finding him on the living room floor with another woman, I packed up and moved out, because even though I had my suspicions, it was right there in front of me.
Two weeks has gone by, and I feel like a zombie, just trying to get through the days, without thinking of him for at least a little while. I used to be a confident, independent woman, and I don't even know who I am anymore. I will be starting therapy, in hopes of repairing the damage done during the last three years. Everyday I do miss the best friend I had, trying to accept that he has not even been there for so long now. I am lonely, in this relationship, I have never really had the time to keep up with friends, and I wish now I had. They have been understanding, and I am finding support. I take it one day at a time now, and pray for the day I don't cry. I know that day will come, and I feel like that woman three years ago, before I met him. It is just the time that feels so long.
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