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Behind that cute smile...
20 February, 2008
When I was 17, I worked at a fast food chain as a crew member. Two weeks after that fatal blow from Moni, that guy from my University whom I've had a crush on. Well, I told him of my true feelings for him. But then he just shrugged it off. I guess I am not his type. Anyway, I am free and I can find another guy.
"Perfect timing, job vacancy. I think I can handle this." I thought, entering the said fast food chain. That's when I saw HIM. The cute guy mopping the floor and tending to the customer's demands. That's HIM.
"How may I help you?" He asked me. I find his smile so cute, so inviting.
"I would like to work here. Here's my bio data. " I passed my hand-written bio data to the cute guy named Gie. I returned the smile to him.
"Just wait there, the manager will come out after a few minutes." He returned to mop the floor. After a few minutes, he returned to talk to me.
"So, how old are you?"
"17. And you?" I answered, returning the question to him.
"Oh, I am also 17... I am Gie, by the way."
"Yeah, I can see that." I grinned, looking at his name plate.
"Yeah, I think you do." He flashed his smile again to me.
"By the way, I'm Janna." I answered, almost fainting because of that smile.
Then after that, the manager emerged from the throng of people in line, busily giving instructions to the workers. The manager called out all the applicants and I joined the 20something people patiently waiting for the manager. We took the exam, after 20minutes, he announced the people who passed the exam. Luckily, I did pass the exam. The manager interviewed us and after all that, I passed and will come back for the training.
I am unable to see that cute guy (Gie) after I passed the training. It was when I started working that I saw him again. He is really cute-looking. Almond-shaped eyes, cute shoulders, slim body, captivating smile and a warm personality. He is lively and very cheerful and he's got a very cute laugh. Almost infectious. He is also very agile and smart. Turns out he is a working scholar for the company. Meaning, he works for his tuition and the schooling is provided by our company. I can see that.
We have the same schedule so when it's time for a break, we would always take the break together. That's when I got to know him. He is a very different guy. He is a guitarist.
"Cool. So you are the runner up of Rail? The one who won the inter-school band competition? How very..." I told him, half admiring, half speechless. Thankfully, I did manage to make such a comment.
"Yup." He simply smiled as he spoke.
Weeks passed and we always share thoughts, walk together, eat together, well... do anything a girl and a guy workmate does. We are closer than ever.
I heard from our other workmates that he is feeling something for me. They told me that he wanted to court me. I just shrugged off the idea that he actually does but his best friend told me everything that he says about me.
This one came to the management and they really scolded him for what he is trying to pull. Saying that couples are not allowed at work. After that, he started veering away from me. Without even telling me...
I texted him and asked him, what's the problem...
"hey, what's up? I think we need to talk..." I typed the words through my phone like a stabbing pain on my chest.
"nothing. I just want to say something." He replied, I suddenly perked up, with a sudden rush of happiness and hope rising in my chest.
"What is it? I asked, half-excited, half-dreaded.
"I Love You..."
I Love You...
The words still ringing in my head... I felt like I am the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Surfs crashing and my head spinning. I don not know what to say...
"What do you mean?" I asked him, masking the happiness that I am feeling towards him.
"I love you. I really do. I really wanted to say this to you but the managers will get furious and they may terminate us. I really love you but I can't."
"I love you too. Can't we just keep this realtionship to ourselves? It's not that they will strangle us. I love you too. I also want us to be more than friends. I really do." I texted away, not minding if it seems stupid.
"Okay, it's official. We're a couple." He replied. I almost stumbled to my seat.
"Is this real or what?" I really can't believe what I am seeing. I yelled a whoop out of sheer excitement and happiness. It's official. We're a couple. I can't believe it but it's true.
"So, what are we going to do? hide this relationship?" I asked him, afraid and happy at the same time.
"let's keep it quiet at first, then we will reveal it to them little by little." He texted me, I could have died. That guy whom I was having a crush on loves me too. I feel like I am in heaven.
The next day, he came back to his usual self, a very distant guy. Guess I understand the real deal because he is just keeping our relationship safe and he does not want either of us to go away. Sometimes, when he looks my way, I smile. This time, he did not return the smile. It was like I've never known him. It was like I am completely invisible. Not there at all... After shifts, we would text each other and say sweet nothings. That lasted for only a week. He suddenly stopped texting me.
Our manager invited all of us for a party at his house. All of us, including Gie and his friends were there. the whole house was packed with people and I can barely see him through the crowd. I wore my cute blouse and pants and wore ballet flats. Simple and fine. No make-up. Just plain simple. Suddenly, I saw him having a drinking feast with his friends at one corner. And on his lap sat katie, another work mate. They are both laughing and whispering sweet nothings. I saw the whole debacle and I felt so ashamed. I started walking away but then Katie said something. Someone turned out the music completely. Katie's voice echoed through the walls.
"Janna... Come here..." Katie hissed...
Everyone started murmuring something that I can't understand.
"Here, here, Janna has something to confess... You see Janna here is in love with Gie... Well, say it Janna... Is Gie your boyfriend?" I am really panic- stricken, I do not know what to say. I turned to look at Gie, and he looks away. Not giving any hint. After a while, I decided that it's time to reveal it. After all, one week is enough. Rumors spread like wild fire, I should say. I nodded. A gesture that tells everyone that I am Gie's girlfriend.
Everybody started laughing their brains out like what I did was the funniest thing they ever saw. Katie went to Gie and asked Gie aloud
"Janna said yes, so is it true baby???" Katie looking at me viciously and looked at Gie.
"Hell, no... I don't like her... Such a stupid girl!!! You think I will fal, for you? I am rocker, not a nerd!!! You think I'm going to fall for your cuteness??? Hell, no!!! I have a girlfriend... And her name's KATIE... I think you are mistaken. I think you are wrong. I am not like that... You are not good for me. YOU are ugly. YOU are stupid. YOU are gullible... Look at you... Your hair, clothes, face, not even a trace of makeup... Dull...
I cried. Shocked and I really don't know what to do. I ran out of the house and I cried. Gie's best friend came to me and said...
"You're really stupid. Sorry I was not able to say that he's got Katie. We just thought of you as a play thing. Katie likes it too.
After a while, Gie came out and headed towards me. A feeling of feeble hope coursing through my heart, he talked to me. This time, his eyes are in disgust, his smile became a smirk, and his personality became stone-cold.
"I don't like you. You are nothing like Katie. I did that because I wanted you to know that you are really a loser. A LOSER." He started laughing. This time, his laugh is not infectious, it sounded like a million daggers piercing my heart.
"But I thought I..."
"I played on you... Do you even realize that I am just texting you? If I am serious I would have started calling you BABE in front of everyone. I didn't do that, right? If I am serious, I should have told you from the very start that I love you. Not just through text, but in person... If I love you, I would have brought you in my room... But I did not, right?" He looked at me like I was the stupidest creation of humanity ever lived in this world.
I started crying again and slapped him. Hard.
I ran away, still crying...
Now I realized that he's not really loving me. He's crushing me to pieces.
Behind his cute smile lies a smirk that's full of seemingless loathing.
Behind his almond-shaped eyes, he sees me as an outcast, who do not belong to his world. Not in a little bit.
Behind his rocker facade lies a person with an equally dark heart.
Behind all those sweet words lies bitterness and a million web of lies.
Behind that sweet guy is a an with a very deadly monster.
But he is a monster in my candy. Sweet yet so painful.
I feel so alone...