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Becca`s love

28 May, 2002

Living in the past. During your saddest hours, you tap into those memories, that only enhance your depression. As happy as they were. Ultimately, that wrong decision, takes you over. Dragging you literally into your darkest hour.

One day while on a spontaneous ice cream run with a friend Chris, the 'girl next door' walks up on us. Being 21 at the time and her being almost 16, I had commendable self control. Until that one hug. After 5 years of growing up together and seeing a little stick figure of a girl I hugged a young, ripening beautiful young woman. As much as we talked ourselves out of it, we dated.

To get close to the point my mother had strong influence on our relationship. It was the only negative force in our love I could recall. One night, as we lay watching friends, my phone rings. It's a bill collector asking for two grand that I maxed out on a credit card. As trust would have it, I find my mother forged and debt this card in my name.

After this I became hateful and separated. I quit my job and eventually, broke up with my girlfriend. Leaving the development I lived in, I'd have to pass her house. I'd see her with different guys which was pain in every sense.

After seeing a dude leave her house all frizzed out. I broke down inside. I called a brother of mine 400 miles away and asked for shelter. I hadn't seen him in 10 years and he was there for me with open arms.

As depression would have it. I tried to kill myself. I tried to use air freshener to 'huff' my self to death.

Almost dying, I bared witness to a demon. A demon that I tried to ball up in fear from. I couldn't get into a ball small enough to avoid the fire that it tormented me with. By the grace of God, I was salvaged. I was given another chance. With knowledge of a creator and uncertainty of my fate.

All I know now is I prayed for love before I met her. In the whole 2 1/2 years of being with her, I never gave sincere thanks for a prayer answered. And my most sincere prayer today is to bring me back to her.


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