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Because I ruin everything

03 November, 2008

This is the story of the most amazing boy on earth. His name is John.


John and I met near the end of 7th grade. He had 3 classes with me, but I had never really noticed him. We started emailing each other, and passing notes in history. At the time, I liked someonenamed Mitch, who I had liked all year. John was going out with one of my close friends (but it was their first relationship, so nothing happened, not even kissing). Now, I have some weird sympathy gene in me, and when he looked sad one day during history, I tried to find out what was wrong.

That night, I talked to him, and he said he was having second thoughts about his relationship. Through much persuasion, i got him to tell me that he liked me, a lot. Soon after, the guy I had liked all year asked me out. I said yes, obviously. Then, my friend found out John liked me, and they broke up. I would feel mood swings about him...one moment I'd hate him form making so many people hate me, and the next I'd feel really bad for him about liking me.


I didn't here from Mitch the entire summer. He was my first boyfriend ever, and nothing had happened, NOT EVEN HUGGING. We were still together in theory. John, on the other hand, talked to me every day over the computer. He was open to me about his feelings and how sad he was that I didn't like him, and was patient when I ranted about Mitch.


I started liking multiple people, Mitch and John being two of them. I narrowed it down to just John. I ended up breaking up with Mitch, and getting with John. We didn't tell anyone about us untill about a month later, when we told our best friend, Sarah, who we told to tell everyone else, whcih she did. The first 3 months were BLISS. I loved him, he loved me. Of course it was too good to last...


Peer pressure. A lot of people didn't like John. They never got to see the side of him I saw. They were mean to me about him. I couldn't take it anymore. I broke up with him. He was really hurt by it, and I missed him worse than anythiung. Not only did he feel like a boyfriend to me, but also a best friend. I got back together with him 3 days later. More bliss. Or not. I broke up with him 7 times, never staying away for more than a week. This lasted through 7 months.


Finally, I was sick of everything. I broke up with him the 7th and final time. 2 weeks later, I already had a new boyfriend (John loveing me gave me confidence, which made me start flirting with every guy in my school, even when i was still dating him.) I liked my new boyfriend, but started liking John again halfway through. But John liked me for a month after the final time, and was jealous. Finally, a girl he had liked all through 7th grade untill my friend started liking him. They got together.


I dated 6 guys. None were really serious, and the longest one only lasted a month. I only kissed2 of them. Remember Mitch? He was one of the six, and I thoght dating him again would awaken my old feelings for him. It didn't. I felt nothing for anybody for all of August. I was numb, and I didn't like it. John and his girlfriend broke up.


My numbness ended, and, of course, instead of liking Mitch like I thought I would, it was John who I loved. Loved, yes. I fell in love with John. Thats where I am now. I think about him every second of every day, but in a different way-just about spending time with him. I know thatif I spentjust one day with him it could rekindle his old feelings. The problem is, we are in different schools now.We talk on the computer. He likes his ex again, the one he broke up with over the summer. She doesnt like him, though. I'm so in love with him, and I don't know what to do. You may be thinking I'm too young to know what love is, and that I should just get over this "crush" and move on. But it's not a crush, and I know I will always love him. Forever.

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