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04 June, 2008
I am secretly married with my long time boyfriend, the reason why we got married and not let our parents know it, is because he was still a student then... finally he graduated and got a job... after two years of being married but living like boyfriends and girlfriends, often times i am asking him why are we like this? why cant we admit that we already got married? he told me a lot of things which i understand... but though there are some part of me that thinks something is wrong... i need him.. years after still we are in this situation... and I become desperate...
then my old colleague mark had appeared in my life... he was based in Australia and has a family of his own, but he always complain that he was never happy with his wife and a months from now he will get divorced... he had been my companion though we only spoke through Internet and phone conversations, he had shown affection and love... One day he surprised me with his big secret, he was in-love with me since we met in college but never got a chance to tell because her girlfriend was my friend. he told me how hard it was when he often saw me with my boyfriend back then... after that I came to realized all the questions in my mind.. he was so protective and caring since before, he always check me if am okay or if some one hurts me... and damn how he hates to see me cry now i understand..
we continue our little special relationship through net. and he told me how much he loved me until now... then I came to think, i am so happy when I heard all those things my hearts jumps for joy... I am no longer happy with my husband, and this man makes the most out of everything... he makes me feel really special...
then I came upon my husband and confront him about his plans, I still got no answer, I cried with mark, and he felt really sad for me, then he ask me if I wanted to be with him, If I wanted to marry him? I cannot answer him because I wasn't sure, I was never sure of what i felt for him, and yet our situation is really not right..
but I think I love him... right now am trying to fixed my marriage and make things work because for me that is the right thing to do... I stop my communication with mark, but often times I hear him crying over the phone. so am I... but nothing for me to do... I am suffering right now from the pain of my love for mark... I cried everynight cuz I missed him...