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Autumn: A forgotten chapter
02 July, 2008
We all know the saying 'opposites attract', and to an extent, it is true. But how long do they keep attracting each other...is it forever?..or does it just last for a fleeting moment only?
WE were two people...have always been two different people. Had we opened our eyes we would have met at different junctions of our day-to-day life. We had always travelled the same paths but in opposite directions. Yet, we only met each other through a mutual friend. It took off from there. Don' ask how, for I donot remember how we got there. This is the digital era, the age where technology connects (and diconnects) people. It only took a few hours to find each other online, a few days to get comfortable with each other.
I have been a bookworm all my life. A Jack with no fun and play. Doesn't mean that i'm an intelligent creature. On the contrary, I only earned mediocre grades, just enough to get me to the next level. I just had no interest in studies what so ever. School bored me. My one hobby was reading. I read alot. About anything and everything. An art streak in me is all that's worth mentioning. One could say that I lived a lonely life..no best friends to hang out with, no interactions with anyone. Sometimes I've wondered that i may end up in some mental institutions because of my desire to be lonely.
She was the entire opposite I was. She was a people person. Had accomplices in anything and everything. Fun was her middle name. She was almost into everything. Let me not forget to mention that she was a really bright student as well. After all, at the time we met, she was finishing her doctorate program while I was struggling to just get a college degree. She had high aims in life. She was determined. She knew what she wanted.
Today's technology is a sure wonder. Within a month we got to know each other through a 6x4 chat window. Seemed we had some similar tastes. Over the time we got to go out a few times, even though we had more fun talking across computer screens and actually looked forward to it every single time.
Opposites Atrract..they do. We felt this strong pull towards each other. Some meta-physical force that pulled us closer together. And we became more clearer to each other. I felt she was someone I could trust...someone who would stay by me, and I believed it. I opened alot of the ghosts in my closet to her. And I believed she did the same too.
About a year it lasted. My life opened up. For the first time I began to see colors in my life. i began to enjoy beauty. I was in love. and i confessed it to her. I was afraid for I thought she would be angry, or never want to talk to me again for feeling that way. But instead she welcomed it. She said that the feelings were mutual. I would never forget that day. It was the happiest day of my entire life.
Summer came by. She had to go home. She missed her home sorely for the past year and it was time to go back and visit her folks, her friends, her hometown. It was only a matter of five weeks. Five weeks or five hours...my heart ached. I couldnt bear the thought of parting from her. Her eyes bore the symbol of love as we hugged before I let her go.
Something must have happened after she got there. I dont know what she was. No matter what it was, she atleast owed me the truth. Over the next few days, calls became text messages and that got reduced to emails, then to offline chat messages to silence.
She came back. Five weeks it was. To me it was more like five years. but the person who came back was not the person that I let go. She never came back. She did her best to avoid me. I took that painfully. At first I didnt give up. I pressed the matter to her to but she always avoided me. She never answered my calls, never responded to any of my messages. I gave up. I was not ready to lose her and yet I did not want to hurt her. I stayed in the shadows.
It was during the first weeks of fall. The trees and leaves displayed a riot of colors, a cool after summer breeze passing by. We met under a dying tree, leaves falling upon us like dew settling on the ground. It was there she destroyed me. Her explanation: she was confused. She didnt know whether she liked me or she loved me. She went on to say that she didnt think she was worthy to be with me, and that I would find someone who would make me happy soon enough.
I used to think that humans could never change, but Everything changes. I changed. After that meeting I was a different guy. I had aims. I set my self goals. I made my self forget that chapter. I did. And a year passed by.
Manhattan is a really big city. It is a very small probability to meet the same person twice in this bustling metropolis. It was on a crispy cold day, the end of fall with winter silently creeping in. The last leaves were falling. And the wind carried all sorts of dust particles. It was one of these particles that flew into my eyes. It was when I was furiously rubbing my eyes that i saw her. Once again headed in my opposite direction..walking towards me. But she was walking in arm-in-arm with someone else. Somewhere in my head the guy she was with registered very vaguely. She was happy,talking and laughing with him. I saw a ring that many girls would cry for on her finger. They passed right by me, but she didnt seem notice me. I stayed where I was, and stared at them. It was a few feet after thay passed by when she turned back and stole a glance at me for a second and turned back.
Maybe that meeting was supposed to be the end to that chapter of my life, but fate as it seems liked the idea of toying around with human emotions. it was never needed, for I had closed down that chapter much earlier, and forgotten that it ever existed.