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And Yet I Still Love You...
23 August, 2006
It was about 2 years ago that I met her. We both had spanish class together in highschool.
At first, I didn't think much of her but as time went on and I got to know her, I started to have feelings for her. Knowing her, she was never really the type who wanted to start a relationship so I kept my feelings aside. As time went by, I started to like her more and more each day. I even made a fool of myself during our time together because I wanted to see her smile and laugh. In school I couldn't really focus on my school work because I was busy day dreaming about her. At times when I'm with her, it feels as if she also feels the same way I feel for her. We both understood each other well and I would always be the first one she'd call when there's something wrong.
When summer came, she and I traveled to Arizona as exchanged students. In Arizona was when my love for her grew. She was the type of girl that most guys would go for because she had the looks and personality so I had to protect her from other guys. As that happened, she and I pretended to be in a relationship so she wouldn't have to deal with any other guys that would be hitting on her. But as I was pretending, I was really showing my true feelings for her. It felt as if we were in a real relationship and everything seemed to go my way.
As summer ended a new school year started. She and I didn't have class together so we couldn't see each other as often. I also had a friend of mines change to my school because he now lived with his father. He and I were like best friends but I knew something was wrong the minute he set eyes on the girl of my dreams. They both had journalism class together but I was ok with it. I also made sure to let him know that she was my dream girl. He was kool with what I had to say so I really didn't suspect anything much. It wasn't until later on that I found out she had a huge crush on my friend and him as a guy couldn't turn her down. As I found out things were going upside down. It was already too late for me to do anything. But what made me mad was that my friend stole my dream girl, and my dream girl just used me this whole time. I felt very betrayed because what kind of friend would steal another friends' girl. As my friend and the girl of my dreams was trying to start a relationship. They knew very well that I was very angry at them. The girl of my dreams even called me to talk about what has been bothering me. BUt as it seems... I couldn't hide my true feelings anymore so I told her how I felt and that it was just so stupid of me to be wasting to much time on her when in the end, she ends up with my best friend. I tried to protect her, I was always there for her, I would even sacrafice myself for her... but... all she told me was that she only loved me in a brotherly way and that she loves my best friend but she said she didn't want to lose a friend like me over thier relationship.
After I talked with her, I just got really angry... I thought about what she said... but it didn't really matter to me anymore because I know she will never belong to me and I can never change that. Even if we were to stay as friends, those memories of she and I will soon fill my mind with regret making me stressed out so I broke our friendship and my best friends as well. I stopped every kind of communication with them because my wounds never seemed to heal. And the girl I so loved for the longest time now belonged to my best friend.
As for me, I am here to wander the world as a half empty soul mateless guy.