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Always in my heart

26 May, 2003

I was 15 when I met this guy, I can still remember the very first time we met. We went to the movies, a group of my girl friends and these guys they knew. I remember thinking he was a bit weird and ended up landing a seat next to him in the cinema and he had already seen the movie and did not shut up through the whole thing. We saw each other a lot when a group of us went out and we got along really well, we had lots of fun together and eventually we started going out.

We went out for 6 months and we had connected in some way, I think we could both feel it. We saw each other lots and could hardly be separated, he sent me beautiful messages everyday before I went to bed and I would send one in the morning when he woke up. Love came into the relationship quite early, we both had strong feelings for each other.

One night I went out with my friends for a girls night out and we had been messaging throughout the night but as it got later I found myself chatting to this guy whom was one of my friends ex boyfriends he was nice and we got along well. I had to stay the night at this party and my friend myself and two other guys ended up sharing a room, when I found that this guy was starting to get a bit horny and a bit forceful on me I didn't want anything to happen and was trying not to let anything happen but he was just to strong for me.

A few days later at school I decided it would be best to tell my friend about what had happened since it was her ex, she didn't take it well and got very upset and it caused a lot of problems for us because she felt bad and I was quite upset about it. It got very stressful for me as I had to talk to my boyfriend and I was upset and stressed but I didn't tell him what happened in case he took it the wrong way. One night I was a mess, so upset and stressed out and dumped my boyfriend because I had to get rid of everything and just think about life.

For a couple of weeks after I had thought I had made this decision for the best but I knew he was very upset and angry with me as another friend of mine decided to tell him what happened that night but she got the story wrong and told him I had cheated on him. My ex got very angry and started verbally abusing and wouldn't listen to anything, a few months past and we started to talk and let what happened pass.

I went to a party on the last day of year nine, we didn't say much because he was drunk and decided he was going to be a bastard that night until later when he confessed to my friend that he never hated me and missed me and wanted me back. Little did I know I confessed the same to the same friend and she told me to message him when I got home as I was going on holiday for a month the next day. He confessed the same to me and asked me out again a few days later and I told him yes but I wanted to wait until I got back from holidays so it wasn't starting long distance where neither could see each other.

The day before I left to come back from holidays I got a msg from him saying that he met someone on new years eve and that maybe we would just be better off as friends, I agreed stupidly.

He has had a few girlfriends since then and all have screwed him around and I feel sorry for him because he is such a sweet guy and deserves so much better. I still see and talk to him from time to time and am currently in a long-term relationship with a friend of his but he doesn't mind, he set us up in the first place.

The problem is I was so in love with this guy no one can compare to him and I am having difficult committing to my new boyfriend and I think it is because of this ex boyfriend of mine. He will always be a special person in my heart and no one could ever be like him and I will always be waiting and hoping for this 1 guy who will probably never return to my life the way we were.

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