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Almost Lovers

19 March, 2009

"Sterphon kissed me in spring, and Robin in the fall

Colin only looked at me, and never kissed at all.

Strephon's kiss was lost in jest, and Robin's in play

but the kiss in Colin's eye, haunts me night and day."

"The Look" By Sara Teasdale

I met this guy, Charlie in my junior year of High school. He first approached me after class one day; made some funny comment about the boots I was wearing. I didn't really know what to make of him then, I thought he was a weirdo but in a good way :) Shortly after that, andI don't recall how but we became inseparable. We had a couple of classes together, and with him they were the best. Charlie had this kind of magnetic charm, everybody loved him; everybody wanted to be his friend. He was the class clown, always making me andthose around him smile. Together, we were like two peas in a pod, we just fit. He was really into me,always flirting, touching my hair, hugging; that sort of thing. Heeven signed my yearbook with "Muchlove" anddrew a bigheart around the message.I guess our attraction must've been obvious to others, our class had a bet going that we would hook up by the end of the year. I even recall a classmate bluntly asking "Are You in love with Charlie?" He said that my eyes lit up every time Charlie and I talked to each other. When asked that question I replied "No" and honestly believed it too. Love is blind i suppose, and especially when you're young. I was unsure of my feelings for Charlie because I had never felt that way with anyone before. Mythoughtat the time wasthat love occurred only between adults, not teenagers. I dismissed Charlie as a simple crush that would fade, and was happy being just friends with him. After junior year ended, we didn't see much of each other. Charlie lived in another town and I spent half the summer in Phoenix, AZ and the other half, working. A few days after school restarted, I bumped into Charlie. We hugged and walked to each others next class. After we parted ways, I had a sudden epiphany. Over the summer it felt like something was missing. Despite the vacation, nothing ever felt fun enough. It hit me like a ton of bricks; Charlie was the missing piece, the reason why I didn't have fun anymore. It was like he completed me, and I knewthat had to be love.

When we were friends I kept going from one fling to another, not realizing the oneI should have been with was in front of me the whole time. By the timeI figuredallof this out though, it was too late. In October of Senior year, I found out that Charlie had a girlfriend. It was devastating. She was skinny, rich, and younger, your basic nightmare. We didn't really see each other much during senior year, he was so consumed with his GF. I wanted so badly to tell him how much I missed him, that i cared about him andthat we should be together, but I couldn't. The last time I saw Charlie was at graduation. It was before ceremony. We were each talking to our own individual friends, and I looked over at him. I didn't have the courage to say goodbye, and neither did he so we said nothing.

A few years have passed since then and I have not seen or heard from Charlie. In these years I've dated a couple guys but they were just lustful endeavors. Charlie was the real thing. I know that seems implausible because we were never intimate,but love is so much more then that, it's beyond physical. I regret never telling Charlie my true feelings, because now I have to spend the rest of my life wondering "What if?" Maybe we'll meet again someday; maybe not. Nothing is for certain;least of all, relationships. Wherever Charlie is; whoever he's with, I just hope he knows that he deserves someone great.


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