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A twist

05 November, 2003

Is it true that passion and love declared that comes too quickly can be as easily extinguished over trivial things?

A man entered my life. He had been in the periphery prior to our courtship because I wasn't certain if he liked me or not and we rarely said anything except to exchange a joke or two during work. Anyway, on a conference, we got to know each other. I found that not only was I attracted to him, we had chemistry.

When he returned, he asked me out. We saw each other everyday, went for casual dates and just enjoyed each other's company. Our first kiss occurred three weeks after dating. It was sweet and dreamy. Anyway, we were both traditional and thought that a physical relationship belonged in the confines of marriage. We shared a lot with each other and were learning to understand each other's personality. He always marvelled at my outlook on life. My kind and modest nature. I got complimented on my physical attributes. I often complimented him. He declared his love for me about a month after our first date. I was very moved by this and cried quite a bit. I loved him too, but was so overtaken by this moment. Later that week, I told him too. We had pet names for each other and would often write out witty stories for each other's mental enjoyment. His family hinted at this excellent match and we all got along well.

About two months into the relationship, he indicated that he saw us having a future together and wanted to very much have children together. We spoke about marriage, not in the details, but what each other was looking for. It matched squarely. I was over the moon. He was attractive, good natured, caring, intelligent, religious, family oriented. Many qualities that I liked in someone that I would want to marry. He went away on a conference and returned. He brought me three gifts: a unique jewellery box, a cross and pendant, and a gold-plated watch with amber gems. I was surprised that he got me something and was touched by his taste. They were so very pretty. The following day he seemed to be desperate to see me. I was a little shy at his persistence and we met for a walk after work. We chatted for a bit, I was getting a feeling of great uneasiness from him. He came by later that week for dinner at my place. I remember dressing nicely: a long floral skirt, sleeveless eyelet lace blouse and my hair loose. I wanted the mood to be soft and welcoming. We had a tense meal and then we spoke. He disparaged me. He told me that I was too refined and soft and gentle and needed a vigorous woman. I was surprised and didn't know what to make of it. He berated a lot of things. A couple of days later, I had about enough and confronted him. He started to cry and got very cold and pale. I was shocked and tried to comfort him, but he called me cold and remote. He said that I was a remote and cold person who did not connect with people. I offered to end the relationship because he was not happy. He said that he did not want to. Things were good then, but he started getting very remote and didn't want to kiss or cuddle anymore. I felt like a little girl getting a kiss on the forehead and quick little hug. Once again, I told him that his behaviour was hurting me. He told me what I was saying was a bunch of emotional b.s. We were angry for a bit. I then took his hand and placed it my chest. I told him that I loved him dearly and that being angry and tense would not help this situation. We would need to talk with each other without getting so defensive. A week later he dropped off a note in my mailbox and indicated in red ink that I was essentially a cold, beautiful, scared little girl. I begged for an explanation. He came by and essentially disparaged me to no end from my heritage, to my body, to my social skills, and my approach towards life. It was such a change to hear a person who only a month or so before said that he wanted to marry you and have children. And now said that essentially you are worthless.

It was the first time that I fell in love. Strangely, I still care for him. When I see his family, they are rather cordial and warm. Nothing makes sense to me. All have said that it was better that it ended now and it would have become a marriage. I guess I just know why someone who love and then hate you so intensely.

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