It all started when I was about eighteen which is about 14yrs ago now. I
met a man through a group of friends. Over the next few years he befriended me
and gently pursued me. I was not interested for a long time, but one day I
looked in his eyes and saw something that awoke my heart.
Not long after he became my first great love, I was so in love I felt I might
die for him.
After about eight months he became quite cool and distant and wanted to end it,
it was horrible but there was nothing I could do. Five months later he wanted to
give it another shot and I welcomed him with open arms, and for another eight
months life was great again.
Unfortunately the pattern repeated, one day he loved me and almost as quickly he
shut down and wanted out again. This time I swear I did nearly die. I could
barely breath, I couldn’t sleep and I lost weight. I felt he had ruined me for
all other men.
Life goes on and it took a few years but I did eventually get over it. I had
other relationships and along the way somewhere I did become friends with that
There was a period about five years ago where we were getting on real well and
hanging out but I never thought anything of it and eventually moved away for
After being away for awhile he started to text me and ring me quite a bit, I
still didn’t think much of it until after I had been away for about two years and
he said something to me... I told him maybe we shouldn’t talk.
The flood gates opened and he burst out with emotion that he was waiting for me
and that he knew I had a life away and he wouldn’t ruin it but he had not been
with anyone for two years because he was hoping something would happen with us.
You could’ve blown me down with a feather, a well of anger rose in me and I told
him off, we had some very not nice exchanges and all contact ceased.
Another ten months passed and my circumstances changed and I had to go back to
my home town for awhile. I was 31 now and hadn’t had anyone special in my life
for a while.
Went I went home I met that man again, he said that it was fate and that there
was no else like me, he had been looking but couldn’t find it anywhere else. I
was awed and my heart started to warm again to him.
Well here I sit six months later and he has once again shut down and distanced
himself, I should’ve known. He says he does love me but not enough for me at this
point in time, what the hell is that! So another broken heart, no more
like a soul torn, the pain is excruciating and I face another road of healing
I can hardly believe the same man has broken my heart three times now and what’s
worse is I know I let him in again this last time when I had my doubts.
I am bitterly disappointed in him and myself but I will get over this because I
have done it before and I can do it again. Hopefully this time I have learnt my