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A buck for Every time I felt pain

09 February, 2003

Everyone seems to know when they are in love. Everyone seems to be lost in it all the time. But me, no, I didn't. I am only 13 but have matured quick because of my parents.

It was 7th grade and I started out fine. Had my eye on someone real cute, made a lot of friends, and boosted my grades up so I wouldn't be grounded. It was all pretty good to me. And to add to this wonderful little setting, a real cutie asked me out. I was as happy as a bee, doing my thing in la-la land. And we were going out for a couple of weeks when he dumped me (but he says we agreed on it)! I was devastated and didn't want to go to school or anywhere else. I stopped eating and worked out more to make my self esteem rise. I didn't want to be doing this but my mind and my heart forced myself to do it. Finally, I turned over my sadness but in return, I became angry instead. I wanted to make him jealous and hurt and wanted him to want me back! So I put 2 and 2 together and found out that his best friend Paul liked me. So I made it apparent to Paul that I liked him and before I knew it, I was hooked up with Paul in a relationship.

Now don't get the wrong impression that I didn't like Paul at all! I thought I liked him but my mind was questioning it.

But soon, I found out that Brandon was talking to Paul about me badly so I dumped Paul because I am very self conscious and can't handle things like that. Soon after I dumped him, Paul hooked with another girl, Miss B Thompson... lil miss cutie! In my opinion she was everything and anything that a guy would look for, she was sweet, cute, and charming/caring! I was some what of friends with her... I didn't really know her that well. But I did know that Paul snagged her. I didn't care because I had no feelings for him at all now, for sure! But not too long ago, I developed really strong feelings for Paul and I am sure now that I love him a lot! And it really hurts to be around him now. It always seems that every time I turn around, he is there with her and it makes it 100 times harder to breath, to sleep, or even live.

But I have to leeway myself from it. And I am kind of glad that Paul doesn't love me. It gives me something to hope for and dream for. It gives me something to sleep to at night. And it gives me something to worry about. And that sounds weird but if I had no worries, then would love be the same without the chaos that makes it exciting? I don't know but all I know is that if I had a buck for every time I felt pain, I would be a millionaire in 4 days...

Lauren, 13

Ps-Put yourself in my shoes and view it...

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