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A body without direction

21 December, 2001

I have spent most of my life living for other people, that I no longer know whom I really am. Throughout my life I have always done what people expected of me or have asked me that I haven't had the time to experience or enjoy myself. A lot of people don't realize that it's like a lie, if you tell the same lie for so long or so many times you actually begin to believe it yourself. It's as if I don't want to let anyone down. When the truth is that all of them have let me down several times or more. At times that I have really needed them the most.

To be honest I don't know what I really like and no one has ever really asked me or cared. I have a daughter that I love more then anything in or outside of this world. She adores everything that I am and do. She wants to be just like me when she grows up. To be honest I don't want her to be anything like me. I want her to be her own person and the opposite of me.

Everyone that I go out of the way for do not even care, and in the event that I need them to do something for me they can't unless there's something in it for them. A lot of people tell me to just say no, but to be honest it's easier said than done and I hate to burn bridges that I may need to cross again.

This is honestly killing me for real, but I don't know how or what to let go. The reason that I'm telling you this is not for help, but because talking is the best therapy, no matter how you do it.

One in need

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