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A Man's Perspective

11 September, 2006

I remember my first love.I still have a spacial place in my heart for her even after 10 years.Well, now I'm 28. I have had many heartbreaks since then. But I have never been so admired by any of my past girlfriends as I am by my current one.She feelstheLOVE for me that is the type of love you only have for your first love. Why is the first love you have so - forgiving, magical, and mysterious.In her eyes I can do no wrong, and if I do she will take the blame for my ignorance.

I'm her first love. I'm romeo in her eyes. I have tried to break it off about 5 different times now.I haven't felt the love for her like I have felt for lesser candidates.So about a month ago she thought she was pregnant.So I went and bought a pregnancy test - it had two in the package.She took the first one and it came up negative.The next day I looked at the pregnancy test again and it had a faint line in the positive box.So I spent the next few weeks with her seriously trying to allow opportunities for my heart to grow close to hers, just in case.

The second test she took the morning of the first day she was to start her period.It came out negative too. She did start her period later that day.But I lookedat the pregnancy testandsaw a faintline againin the window. So, I called the free local pregnancy test center.They said they suggest a person come in if they missed their period.Well, seeing that she didn't miss her period, and the test turn out what appears to be negative anyway, I'm 99% sure that she's not pregnant. After that BIG scare I know that I don't want to be wed-locked with her.I know because my heart is not in LOVE with her like it has been with others before her.So I broke up with her a few days after this.

She is crushed.Am I a jerk?Should I stay with her for another few months to find out that I don't love her?Well, she still feels sick and throws up often, at least that is what she is telling me on my voice mail.She thought she was pregnant again last week.She calls my dad and he tells her to go the free clinic on campus. The clinic says she either has a liver or a kidney problem.So, now a few days after the clinic she wants me to go the pregnancy center with her to see if she is pregnant.

So do you think she's pregnant or is she just so sick inside about the breakup that it's making her physically ill.Or is it a desperate desire to be pregnant so she can have me back in her life again?

I'll find out for sure in about 16 hours. I'll let you know how the story turns out...

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