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A Holiday in Heaven.
17 March, 2007
The hot evening on 4th of July when I met her was and still is the most unforgettable day of my life. I was bored, my father and I had walked to the park that night and he forgot I was even with him when he became like a little boy again shooting off our small arsenal of fireworks. I remember him saying "Your too young to light it son...." over and over until I finally gave up and went to sit on the back of a car parked behind the little park we were at. That was when I saw her peeking around another car at me. I was annoyed at first, I was a young boy who saw girls as nothing more than a target to pick on. I chased her off by glaring at her, it worked. Only for a moment though, because sure enough she came right back and stared at me. Only this time, I stared back. Something in her half smile caught me. Something in the way the fireworks lit up her deep brown eyes. We began to play that evening, chasing each other, pretending we were being attacked as the "bombs" exploded around us. I even recall secretly pretending I was saving her from a ruthless villian as I took her by the hand and led her to safety behind some bushes. Her name was Vivian.
The evening ended later and for the next few weeks, I saw her everyday, same time, same place. We talked for hours. She was so mature for her young age, she was honest, raw and open about herself and the world around her. I knew Vivian was meant to be someone who could change the world. She became my best friend. One day, only a few weeks after meeting her was when I saw a bruise on her back. I asked her what happened and she said she fell. I believed her. Yet I found it strange that she was always out and that after spending hours with me, she never talked about her family, she even prohibited me from meeting her mother. That summer my parents divorced. It was to say the least a very confusing and sad time in my life. My mother, vengeful and angry over the divorce, prohibited my father from coming around ever until he became nothing more than a memory. That was when the drinking started for my mom and my life at home seized and life with Vivian began. We became teenagers together and as our home lives turned from bad to miserable, we became more and more attracted to eachother. She became even more rebellious and she became more and more black and blue. The years passed and our friendship grew, our bond tightened and our junior year in high school would change our lives forever.
One night she came to my doorstep during a horrific storm, wet and shivering. Her beautiful deep brown eyes were red and puffy, her long brown hair wet against her soft face. We headed to my room and she collapsed in bitter tears. I will never forget what she said to me that night. "Save me......you are my only hope......" She finally admitted what I had suspected all along and couldn't do anything about. She was being abused. Her stepfather was beating her almost daily she said as she undressed before me and that was when I saw all the bruises fresh and old. I was speechless. Stunned silent yet feeling like a coward for not having protected her from that man. For standing around knowing in my heart what was happening. She then told me she loved me. I was blown away. I told her I loved her before I even realized I had. I asked her what I could do for her to take all of her pain away. She said to hold her. I did. We embraced on the carpet of my bedroom, so tightly until dawn came. Then, for some reason I cannot explain, I began to kiss each and every bruise and scar on her body. When my lips reached her lips, she was crying softly but I saw joy in her eyes. When I asked her why she was crying but looked so happy she said to me "The only touch my body knew caused so much pain until tonight, now the only touch my body will remember forever will be your kisses...no one has ever touched me to love me......to make me feel good....you have given me a gift I will cherish forever......."
My life at home was no better. Although my mother never lay a hand on me and was a good mother, she was hardly ever sober. I was emotionally abandoned at home, yet with Vivian I had all the love a man could want. I knew I had to be there for her, for my princess, for my angel. We ran away together the week after her secret came out to a big city I won't mention. As soon as we turned eighteen we decided to get married. Then we both went to night school and got our GED's and started community college. Things were tough at first, working days and going to classes at night, however every night as we lay in each other's arms, we knew we were born to love each other forever. We made plans as we lay in our bed almost every night. We talked about the future, our goals our dreams and how we would make it all happen all the while holding eachother's hand and love dear to our hearts. We talked about children someday and how we were going to do things differently. She was my star, my night, my breath, my heart. Vivian was everything to me.
One morning, three years after we ran away that night, it all ended. Vivian was in the shower as I shaved in the tiny bathroom of our small big city apartment. I heard a soft grunt then a couple of thuds. I threw the shower curtain open to see her bent over as the water sprinkled down her back and into the tub. The moment I looked into her face I knew she was gone. Her eyes were open, but her spark was gone. She was gone. I held her in my arms I don't know how long, screaming her name, atleast I think I was screaming, I can't hardly know for sure since I was lost in panic and fear. I managed somehow to carry her to the hallway and call 911. Within in minutes the love of my life was laying on a stretcher being wheeled out of our little home and out of my life.
I wish I could describe what I felt, sensed, saw and said next, but I can't. Darkness and pain enveloped me for weeks after wards. The doctors told she had suffered an aneurysm and had died almost instantly. Just like that no other warning than a bad headache the night before. I managed to call her mother to tell her Vivian was gone, she was silent for a moment and then said "I am sorry "as if Vivian were my daughter, not hers. Then I heard Vivan's stepfather in the background and she said she had to go. She never asked about her funeral and I never heard from her again. The day I buried the love of my life was and is the hardest I have ever truly breathed through, because I can't even say I lived it.
My angel is gone. Gone is her wide smile, her soft left cheek dimple, the light freckles on her cheeks, the softness of her long brown hair. Gone is my sunshine, my rock, the only woman to ever climb into my heart and make her bed there. Vivian, I love you baby....I adore you. I saw you yesterday in the bright explosive glow of the fireworks behind my home. I smelled you in the soft scent that floated across my nose as I planted that garden we always talked about when we bought a home. I felt you in the softness of the crisp white sheets you loved on a dark mahogany bed as I lay curled into a tight ball crying and asking why, why why? Until that wonderful evening when we meet again.....on that special holiday in heaven. Only this time, for eternity.